By: Colleen Kunkle
I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m not a perfect mother. In fact, I still have a lot to learn. But that doesn’t stop me from giving advice and sharing life lessons with my kids. Say please and thank you. Don’t hit your sister. Turn off the lights. Wash your hands. Clean up after yourself. Use your inside voice!!!
Sometimes I get so caught up in being an adult that I actually forget that many of the lessons that I’m teaching my kids still pertain to me, too. Here is a list of six life lessons I’m constantly teaching my kids that I often need to hear, too.
#1 – I Love You and Want You to Love Yourself, Too!
It is important to me that my kids understand they don’t need to do anything to earn my love. They already have it all. And they can’t do anything to lose it, either. I want them to know that my love for them is unconditional and that is the same kind of love that I want them to have for themselves, too. I try to remind them of this nightly when I tuck them into bed so they can go to bed every single night feeling wrapped in love.
But I have to admit, it seems like I spend a lot of nights thinking about all of the things I could have done better during the day instead of showering myself with that same message. I have to remember to take time to show myself some love and care in order to be able to fully love others. This includes allowing myself to make mistakes and showing myself grace when I fall short.
If you haven’t read my article about being kind to yourself, check it out here.
#2 – Be You.
It can be really hard to be comfortable in your own skin, especially as a young lady. My girls are strong-willed and independent, but that doesn’t shield them from wanting to fit in. I tell my kids that they shouldn’t compromise who they are in order to be what others want them to be. In fact, I think it is important that my kids know that not everyone is going to want to be their friend, and that is OK.
But my heart hurts for them every time they feel left out or disliked. Mostly because no mom wants to see their kid hurting, but also because I can understand their desire to be liked. As a people pleaser myself, it can be difficult for me to remember that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. How others view me shouldn’t have any implications on my own self-worth. Just being me is enough.
#3 – Calm Down. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!
It still amazes me whenever my kids go from calm and content to out-of-control in a split second. They flip the switch like nobody’s business! My best advice in these moments: there is nothing worth getting that upset about so calm down and let’s talk about it. Sounds pretty solid, right?
Despite being able to dish out that great advice, I’ve been known to get a little stressed myself. I let the little things get to me in a way that makes them feel HUGE in the moment. Things as trivial as running a few minutes late or being unsure that my words came out quite right can cause me hours of agony. The truth is that I do not need to take on all of that extra anxiety over insignificant issues. I do need to take a few deep breaths and stop sweating the small stuff!
#4 – Work Hard for What You Want. Never Give Up!
My daughter has big goals and big ideas. Sometimes she forgets how much work it takes to achieve big goals. For instance, she recently decided that she wanted to be a star soccer player. She’s eight and hasn’t played soccer since she was five years old. I fully support her goal but I have to remind her to slow down and start with the basics. Determination is important and can catapult her pretty far but it isn’t a replacement for learning the necessary skills. It takes time and perseverance to achieve big goals!
This is a great reminder to me as well. I have to be willing to put in the work to get where I want to be, too. I have to start small but I know that good things will come if I keep working hard.
#5 – Run Your Own Race.
At times I hear my kids talking about life like it’s a competition, wanting to “do life better” than someone else. I want my kids to be competitive when appropriate, like when they are playing sports and games. I want them to work to better themselves continuously and “compete” with their own personal best. But I do not want them to lose sight of the idea that we can push ourselves to do our best while still rooting for others around us.
It is so easy to start comparing ourselves to others, especially with all of the social media present in today’s world. I fall into this trap as easily as the next person, but at the end of the day I’m certain that we can all be more successful by lifting one another up rather than pulling each other down. When it comes to my own success, I need to stay focused on bettering myself and being proud of those around me for all they are doing as well.
#6 – You Don’t Have to Do It Alone!
I am all for letting kids figure things out for themselves. So as excruciating as it is to wait the five minutes for my child to tie her shoe by herself (and another five minutes for the other shoe), I do it. Most of the time. But there is a time and place when my kids simply need my help and it can be like pulling teeth to get them to accept it! I don’t want to see them floundering when I know I can give them the information or assistance they need to get it done.
I can’t really blame my kids for being stubborn about being independent. They got it from their Momma! The truth is that I also need help sometimes and I have a hard time asking for it or even recognizing the need. Accepting help does not make me weak. It makes me stronger. And I could stand to say “yes” to help a whole lot more often than I do.
I’m still learning a lot about this life and how to navigate different relationships and circumstances that I encounter. I don’t have all of the answers but the least I can do is take my own advice on these six things and keep myself open to all of the new lessons coming my way!
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