The girls started school today, so yesterday was our very last day of summer bliss. We had a great summer together. We went camping, we played games, we swam, we had fun with friends, we went to the library, we cooked and baked, we read books, we did art projects, we celebrated friends’ birthdays, we had night swims, we hosted outdoor movie nights, we went to cookouts and parties, and we ate way too many s’mores. The time went by so fast and although we did a lot, I wish we could have had the time to do even more.
Even though we only had one day left of summer, we were just tired yesterday. We thought about going on a bike ride or making an end-of-summer craft. We talked about making cookies for the bus driver for the first day of school. But ultimately we ended up laying around, watching TV, and taking a nap. The weather was GORGEOUS outside but we spent the day mostly inside anyway. In the early evening a thought crossed my mind, “Did we just waste the last day of summer?”
That thought brought me back to one day earlier this summer when I had slept in until 10AM. I can’t actually explain why, but I felt embarrassed when I told a few friends that I had slept in so late. My kids were safe (although probably bored) while I was sleeping and it felt good to sleep in. These friends encouraged me to take some of my own advice and just give myself the love and grace that I would give to anyone else. They reminded me that maybe sleeping in was exactly what I needed to be doing that particular day.
And so as quickly as the thought crossed my mind last evening, I pushed it away. Yes, we were totally lazy after a couple days of going non-stop. But that doesn’t mean that the day was wasted. In fact, I think we spent the last day of summer doing the very thing that epitomizes summer vacation – absolutely nothing! And I don’t feel bad about it at all.
This goes right along with one thing that I am working on right now: being “OK” with whatever the day brings. For fifteen years I spent my days working hard in a business setting and trying to be more efficient than the day before. I was very scheduled and took my work seriously. My sense of accomplishment came from the volume of work completed and the complexity of problems solved. I still enjoy and thrive in that setting, but right now my focus is at home. So I have to adjust my own expectations to center around the things that I am working on at home, like being present with my children and improving myself. And rejuvenating. And recognizing the need for rest.
I have put a lot of pressure on myself to do the things that I think I’m “supposed” to be doing. I don’t give myself enough credit; sometimes I don’t recognize that I am smart enough to know what I need. But deep down I know that I should trust myself and take the leap toward the things that fulfill me, even if it means going against the grain. It is OK to find my validation internally rather than looking to this world to validate my decisions and actions. Actually, its beyond OK. It’s one hundred percent necessary if I want to live a full and balanced life.
I know that there is probably someone out there who would consider my last day of summer a “waste.” And then there are probably those who really went out there and attacked the last day of summer with the same vigor as they did the first day of summer. Way to go! But if by chance you didn’t get everything done that you wanted to yesterday, or this summer, that’s quite all right. Maybe, just maybe, you spent that time doing exactly what you needed to be doing. And at the end of the day my hope for you is that you trust yourself to be your own guide, seeking approval from only your own self.