By: Colleen Kunkle
Connecting with Others: Connecting with others requires time and energy. You cannot fake it. But when you take the time to do it well, the rewards are endless. Why? Because people like to do business with people that they like. The easiest way to create “instant likability” is to find a personal connection. Your personal success is magnified when you take the time to truly connect with others. How do you do it? Enter into conversations with the intention of finding a common ground in order to make a deeper connection than you have in the past.
Story, Story, Story: Years ago I took on a new role in a big company and became the department leader of a customer service team. The size of the team that rolled up to me increased from two to twenty-five overnight. I was familiar with many of my new team members, but didn’t truly know them. In the first weeks in my new role, I took the time to meet one-on-one with every single person in the department. I didn’t rush them in and out of my office in order to check the box, but rather, I allowed for sufficient time and let the conversation end organically. The intention of these conversations was not to understand my associate’s specific job or role. It was not to tell them about my vision for the department. It had nothing to do with work at all. The entire point of the conversation was to learn about each person individually. And, if they were curious, to share about myself as well.
Meeting with twenty-five people took a lot of time; let’s just estimate that it took around twenty-five hours. Can you imagine what I could have done with twenty-five hours!? But the time was spent exactly the way it needed to be spent. In taking the time to build connections and get to know people, I learned about who they are, what motivates them, the important parts of their lives outside of the office, and how I could help and support them in the years to come. It also gave me an opportunity to share some things in my life that helped us to relate to one another.
I found out that one associate was an avid traveler and looked forward to several trips she had planned for that year; she was determined to see as much of the world as she possible could. I thought this was fascinating and shared with her that I had studied in Germany, Poland, and Spain in college. Another associate was expecting his first grandchild and was beaming with delight and anticipation. As a mom, it is easy to relate to this kind of joy. One team member thought of the workplace as his little private escape from a tough situation at home; he looked forward to coming to work every single day in a way that few of us truly understand. These are things that would have taken me years to learn if I had not carved out the time to meet with each person individually.
And I can’t forget to mention the morale boost it provided to the team; the message they received from this interaction was “you are important.” Several years later, people on my team were still referencing this gesture and I consider it the single most intelligent thing that I did in the role. In addition to having a year-round open door policy, I continued to meet individually with each team member once or twice per year in order to build and strengthen relationships with new and seasoned associates alike!
Even when you are not brand new to a role, you have the opportunity to make this same type of gesture. You can do this by taking someone out to lunch and using the time to learn more about them rather than talking about work. You could set up a monthly touch-base to chat about life outside of work, and in addition you can use this time to check in on their personal development goals and find out how you can support them. It can be as easy as taking two extra minutes before starting a meeting to check in with someone. The point is, time spent focused on the person you are meeting with, and not pushing your own objectives, is the most effective way that I have found to make true connections with others.
I’m not foolish enough to believe that you can create an instant connection with a single intentional conversation. But, it is definitely a good start. If you don’t find any common ground in the first conversation, perhaps you’ll be more aware of things that come your way that might be of interest to another person in the future. Just saw an article about how grandparents who babysit live longer? Send it to the new grandpa! If you read an inspiring book, pass it along to someone who needs a pick-me-up. Did you hear about a new travel blog that is trending? Ask your travel-loving co-worker if she’s reading it! Maybe you could even read a few posts yourself to create another starting point for a future conversation. These small gestures go a long way toward building solid relationships.
I get it: time is money and you cannot afford to take time during the work day to do anything other than hustle. But consider this instead: an investment of time to produce a more engaged associate, a more synergistic working relationship, and a more connected team will yield results for years to come. This proactive action can reduce turnover, conflict, and wasted resources. It can turn a potential client into a loyal advocate. It can mend a damaged relationship or get a new relationship started on the right foot. It is, undoubtedly, time well spent. Try it out and see for yourself how this can transform your work relationships for the better. And then take it home and try it there, too.
Go Do It: Each day this week, initiate a conversation with a co-worker or client with the intention of making a deeper connection than you have in the past. Don’t try to sell or push anything. Just connect. It doesn’t have to be a special conversation; pick someone that you need to talk to anyway and take five extra minutes to find a common ground that you didn’t know existed. Then drop a line and tell me how you did!
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