If you can remember all the way back to grade school or high school, you probably remember all of the preparation needed to get ready for the new school year: school supplies, clothes, backpacks, lunch boxes, and of course a hair cut. It seems like you can actually feel the summer coming to a screeching halt when it’s time for the haircut – I feel this way even as a parent. And since we find ourselves at the end of summer, last week we did just that.
I was thrilled with the style, length, and overall cut for each of my girls. It is insane to see how grown up they look after a simple shape up. I liked the cuts so much that I didn’t even realize until we had left the salon that my youngest daughter did not. I can remember thinking that I looked really weird after a new haircut when I was younger, but I would always end up liking it after I got used to it. I know it can be strange to see yourself looking different so I chalked it up to that.
Later on when we had moved on to running other errands, my daughter asked me a really important question. “Would you ever, like, ask her to stop?” I looked at her blankly since my mind had long moved on from the haircut experience. So she continued, “Like, if you liked your hair and you just wanted her to stop right there and not keep cutting. Would you ever tell her?” I realized there was in incredible lesson to be learned here.
My daughter was afraid of being impolite. She didn’t want to be rude or get in trouble if she spoke up about her hair mid-cut. On top of that, when kids are interacting with adults there is an implied hierarchy that my kids recognize and try to respect. I’m proud that my children have manners, but there are times when being polite cannot be the top priority and probably shouldn’t even be a consideration. In my opinion, anything having to do with your own body is always automatically one of those times. Even if it is “just” hair.
I’m certain that I’ve had this conversation with my kids before. I know that I’ve told them that they are the boss of their own body. I thought that she understood that this rule applied to every decision regarding her body. Always. This was a good reminder to me that you actually can’t have this conversation often enough.
I am so fortunate that my daughter’s inquisitive nature led us to have this conversation again and that we could apply a real life scenario to this important lesson. It also gave me the opportunity to remind her again that she can ask me anything or tell me anything. I made sure that both of my girls know that yes, I would absolutely ask her to stop. And I insisted that the next time they find themselves in that situation, they do the same. I pleaded with them to always speak up if they are uncomfortable, unhappy, or confused. Especially when it comes to their own bodies.
The importance of this exchange is not lost on me. As much as I want to keep my kids inside a protective bubble, I know that I have to let them experience this world. So I continue to try to teach my children the big important life lessons that will set them up for success and keep them safe. I am very thankful for the small moments that open the door to these conversations. I pray that the things that I am teaching them now will serve them well in the future.
As for the haircut, thankfully it’s growing on her already.