By: Colleen Kunkle
I quit a great job. I didn’t quit because of my boss, even though they say “people don’t quit jobs, they quit bosses.” My boss was smart and encouraging. He challenged me to think more deeply and to see the big picture. He trusted my opinion and sought my feedback on important decisions. He let me run with my team and supported my ideas. He advocated for me and for my team and had plans for my professional growth.
And regardless of what you’ve read about people quitting “toxic work cultures,” I didn’t quit because of the company culture. The company had a great culture and did a lot of things right. I didn’t quit because I was underpaid or because I didn’t have the right title. I didn’t quit because I wasn’t progressing or because my career had stalled. My future was bright and my options were open. So what went wrong?
It wasn’t the job, the boss, the coworkers, the culture, the company, the customers… it actually wasn’t anything to do with the work at all. I put so much effort into “being successful” at work that I forgot my life consisted of more than just work. I failed to put the appropriate effort into all of the important areas of my life and everything suffered because of it.
I let work take over my entire brain. I thought about it first thing in the morning and as I was laying in bed at night. I had my morning coffee while pondering the latest work problem or mentally preparing for the day’s big meeting. I wrestled with a customer interaction from last week, still wishing I had handled it differently even though it was handled well. It was like being in an affair with my work; it crept into every area of my life even though I tried to keep it at bay.
I missed friends’ birthdays and I overlooked important signs that they needed me to be a better friend. I argued with my husband about who needed to stay home when the kids were sick when I should have been more concerned about caring for them when they weren’t feeling well. I spent my family vacations checking emails to make sure nothing was blowing up. I justified every bad decision by pointing to the demands of my job. But it wasn’t the job. It was me.
I had failed to take the time to define the boundaries that keep my life prioritized in a way that makes me feel happy and balanced. I can’t blame anyone but myself that those boundaries were breached; it was my responsibility to know them and guard them. And since I hadn’t shared my boundaries with others around me (my boss, colleagues, partner, friends, etc), how could they have understood them?
A lack of boundaries left me feeling stretched way too thin. I didn’t truly feel successful in any area of my life and something had to give. So I cut ties completely with my work in order to focus on the things that had taken the back seat for so long – mainly my family. It was, in a way, a grand love gesture to show them that they are my number one priority.
Now I’m taking the time to get really clear on what boundaries I need so that I can live a dynamic and full life with all aspects of it (including work, family, friends, and more) humming along in harmony. As I think about what the next chapter of my life looks like, you better believe I’m putting a wrought iron fence around those things and those boundaries that matter the most.
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